Thursday, June 11, 2009

I made the Southern California Seahorses Media Guide. I thought it was pretty cool :-) haha


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Today was a very good day. Slept in and woke up late today. Had a bowl of our host mom's chicken and dumplings for brunch. Lathered up with the sunscreen and went on a run. Ran 30 minutes and then walked for about 40 minutes and thought about many things.

I've been in a weird place lately with my soccer and life and needed to do some heavy thinking... Walked it out and thought about something Kobe Bryant said in his documentary, Doin Work. He was talking about how much he loved to play the game. I haven't traditionally been the biggest Kobe fan, being from Sacramento it is looked down upon to like the Lakers, but I really like getting into successful athletes' heads and seeing what they are thinking. He was saying that Phil Jackson was a very detail-oriented coach and that he has thrived under that system. Also, he said that he loves the game and can talk with Phil for hours about the games. Seeing game tape just made him want to go out and play some more and you could tell his love was genuine.

This brings me back to the run. So, I start walking a little at the halfway point of the run (I run down the road for 30 minutes and then turn around and run back). I had Kobe's words echoing in my head as I was nearing the turnabout at Carroll Road and was thinking about myself and soccer. For many years I have put countless hours into training. I have paid a lot of dues and worked harder than many guys. One thing that I couldn't say is that I was in love with the game though. I have been working and working, but I haven't had what Kobe was talking about in the documentary. I started walking and thinking how I can get this love back and what I need to do to get my game on track.

One goal of mine has been to become a professional, but today I asked myself why I want to be a pro. I was trying to figure out if I wanted to become a pro so that I can tell people I have played professionally, or if I really enjoyed the game enough to do it everyday. Was I doing it because I didn't want to get a 9-5 job upon graduation from Tusculum College in December? Was I doing it to give me an identity? Did I want to be known as a pro soccer player to others? Did I care that much what others thought about me to make soccer something that defined me? I was reminded of a quote from Cool Runnings in which John Candy says that if you don't feel good enough without it, you will never feel good enough when you get it. He was referring to a Gold Medal, which drove him to cheat, but I replaced a Gold Medal with becoming a professional. Will I be happy enough with myself if I never play professional soccer? Do I want to make soccer my definition?

My father is a hero of mine. He was an All-American Tennis player and played some professional tennis. I have at many times in my life wanted to become an All-American and play professionally and I asked myself today if I wanted to do this because I wanted him to love me or if I needed his approval. I came to the realization that having him as an example has pushed me over the years, but I know deep down that he is very proud of me. He will love me even if I never get a dollar from soccer. My father is a great father and I know that he will be happy with whatever I do as long as I give it my best. This gave me confidence in my journey to become a professional because I know that even if I don't make it big (or at all) I have the support of my family and friends. I will be able to look in the mirror and know that I have given my best and outworked guys and utilized all of the gifts that God has given me. There is a pretty cool quote that says, "Talent is God's gift to you. What you do with it is your gift to God." I am a big believer in this quote because we have many unique talents and we are all dealt a hand in life. What we do with our talents is up to us. I see many players who have all the talent in the world, but don't utilize it due to laziness. John Wooden said in his book, They Call Me Coach, that he may not have been the best player on the court, but he wouldn't ever not be the most physically fit player there. I feel that there is very much potential in humans and that we rarely tap into even half of what we are capable of doing.

After the walking and meditating session I ran back home (30 minutes) and took a shower. Took a nap after for an hour and relaxed for a little bit. At 4:00, Drew and I went into Clinton, MS and picked up dinner to go from the cafeteria and put it in Matty's refrigerator. Matty, Drew and I got to the field around 4:45 and warmed up with some jogging and stretching. Then we did some fast feet with the ladders and juggling. After, we did some partner volleying and movement. We did some passing when everybody started showing up for training. It felt very good to get some good, quality work before training. The touch is coming back and sharpening daily as well as the confidence.

We started training at 6:00 p.m. We started with some movement inside the circle and general warm-up jogging and stretching. After, we had half the players inside and half of the players outside and we worked on some passing and moving as well as partner volleys. After the warm-up and skillwork, we moved into a 3 vs. 3 finishing game and Drew, Rueben and my team did very well. The emphasis was on touch and hit and finishing as quickly as possible. It was 2 v 1 in the defending side and 1 v 2 in the attacking half of a 30 x 20 grid. The object was to finish and you could combine with a striker, or knock the ball to an open player in the back to finish. Shots were limited to the back 2 players, but the attacker could deflect balls in as well as shoot from defensive takeaways and rebounds. After, we had water and moved into a 8 v 8 + keepers game. Played well overall during the session and my confidence is much better. I am happy with the progression of my play the last couple weeks. Also, I had a great time playing tonight and was loving the game. I have found something that I am passionate about and that I love to do. Sometimes it might seem like work, but I still love the game and want to be involved for as long as I can.

After practice, had a good conversation with my head coach about my play. He has been happy with my play as of late and this helped to give me some more confidence. I am going to be getting more time on the field soon, so I am happy with this. I feel that my play has gotten better because my attitude has shifted back to focusing on excellence. If you focus on working towards excellence, the rest is just details that will fall into place.

After practice, went to the Healthplex and lifted. Here is the workout.

Bench Press (8 x 155 lbs, 5 x 175 lbs.)
Pull-Ups (10, 9, 8)
Bicep Curls w/dumbbells (3 x 10 @ 25 lbs. each)
Dumbbell Swings (3 x 10 @ 40 lbs.)
Dips (3 x 10)


Went home and had a great conversation with my great friend, Vinny La Porta. He wrote in an email last week:

The Righteous Union is an ideology established in 2002 to help a friend stop his binge drinking by teaching him how to breakdance. Instead of pregaming and partying he was with me three to five nights a week dancing in the old wrestling mat room in the old gym. Mirrors and all. A great place to dance and practice. We got good enough to compete but needed a name. So we chose The Righteous Union, as we were a union for his righteousness. Acronym, TRU.

His name is ----, and we are still very close. His parents live here in Boston and I go there all the time to hang out.

Simply dancing on Friday and Saturday nights instead of drinking is not sufficient to conclude the chapter that was ----'s drinking habits. Mental adjustments needed to be made as well. This is where The Righteous Union matured through building confidence, thinking altruistically and gaining in self esteem. A fundamental ideology used in establishing the The Righteous Union is to be yourself. Don't let others dictate who you are, or else you are letting them stray you from your pure path, your personal legend, the reason you exist. As a member of The Righteous Union we will change, adapt, be flexible, listen, and understand, but we will do so while always being true to ourselves, congruent with the founding ideology of self esteem. Those matching abilities to change as well as maintain your confidence in your individuality means that all changes are made by only you, and are therefore pure, and if you are pure, your changes will only make you more and more pure, until eventually you peak. That is a good place to be.

love,

-v

I thought about what Vinny wrote about and we had a similar conversation. Instead of letting others dictate to you your self-esteem, it should come from within. If not, you are living for other people. Also, he wrote:

The steps in which you take to reach your goals are simple protocol when you know your goal is going to be reached. If you do not consider your goal as a given, your steps will become hurdles. Stay up, follow The Righteous Union, and keep it pure.

We spoke about this as well tonight and he helped to remind me about the power of the mental game. If we can see ourselves actually completing the goal like watching a movie that has already been played out... All of the trials and tribulations are no longer hardships, but are just simple steps on the road to the outcome. The power of belief is huge and I want to tap into this more. I appreciate Vinny and his friendship. He seems to know how to get me into a great mood and is someone I value very much.

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In conclusion, I've found both my confidence and my love for playing this game. I am believing that I will achieve my goals. I have faith that with the work that I am putting in, I will reach my goals. God has given me many gifts and I want to utilize those gifts. I feel that I can use soccer as an offering. The Bible says to offer God the best of what you have and I feel that every time I step on the field, I can give my best and offer Him all of me. Soccer is my masterpiece and I am thankful for everything He has given me.